askmeshitmy beautiful faceI talk a lot
= 👋Ya Bishh👋 +

Drupee and Mason is all. 🐶💏

nickfuckface:

parents: “u should be more active”
me: image

all american family dinner
  • mom: hello son you need to put out the fancy dinner plates. i ordered some Chinese food and we will serve it on the plates so we can pretend i cooked
  • son: of course mom, can u pass me the apple juice
  • mom: of course son. be careful it is very spicy
  • son: *sips juice* OH SUGAR U WERE RIGHT MOM THIS APPLE JUICE IS MUCH TOO SPICY
  • dad: ha ha ha. wash it down with hot dogs, and all american tradition.
  • son: thanks dad. hey, wanna play baseball with me after dinner?
  • dad: we can't tonight, son. tonight is the night we are having our annual family photograph taken
  • mom: i picked out matching sweaters for all of us including the dog.
  • son: we will look great! we should use the photograph as a christmas card! merry christmas from the bakers!
  • dad: great idea, son. don't forget about our fishing trip this weekend
  • son: golly dad, how could i forget that important american family tradition

meladoodle:

if i become a drug dealer i’m gonna say to my customers ‘now put THAT in your pipe and smoke it” and we’d all laugh and then i’d call the police because drugs are fucking illegal

defekait:

if we are spooning and I arch my butt into you there is a 1000% chance I don’t actually have to stretch and that I just want to feel your boner

loosur:

its fucked up when u grow up and realize everybody is on drugs..

af-terglow:

how weird is the thought that some of the biggest days of our lives haven’t even happened yet

dlubes:

here’s to boys with big thighs and tummies and love handles and stretch marks and a lot of hair or no hair at all because you guys don’t get the love you deserve

bunsen:

trying to make a situation better but ending up making it worse like

image

foodtrucker:

i hate cute couples unless they’re 50% me